Soooooooooooo... Yesterday I was working in the lobby of one of my accounts, and phoned a vendor to cancel a quick ship parts order. I was corralled through voice-mail hell and found myself holding.

I'm not into multi-tasking, imagine your doctor talking to his accountant on his "cell phone BORG ear implant" while he's guiding a footlong needle into your penis. But that's not where it gets strange.

In the lobby, Muzak is playing a 70's song. Music on hold clicks in, and it's the same song, from the same feed. I'm in CT. The vendor is in OK. I'm not sure at first, but as lyrics come back it is confirmed.

Yes, we are all unified, across the planet, perhaps the universe, by Muzak, which is a well known form of mind control available to the highest bidder. I was transfixed; mortified; craving popcorn, soda, and the latest windows operating system. Without warning I wanted to buy sneakers at Foot Locker, pants at the Gap, and vote for Bush.

My arms stretched out in front of me and I went into a trance, chanting "Brains... Brains... BRAINS!!!