Why are my best business ideas illegal?

I have brilliant business ideas, as do most people, but they never seem to be quite legal. For example, watching the news one evening, finding the anchor-woman to be most attractive, I said to myself...She's hot...I'd like to stalk her! I've never stalked anyone, I don't know why it even came to mind. I might have considered her "out of my league" back in the days before I abolished the "league" system (it wasn't working for me). Anyhow, I soon realized I didn't have the time to stalk her. So, "click", the light comes on. How about starting a "stalking service". A professional stalker, probably an ex-pi, tracks the movements and activities of your subject, and submits a professionally type-written report on a weekly basis.

This is a great business idea because many people will wish to stalk the same person, so you could create "economies of scale". But get this. Stalking is illegal.

The "Mutual of Omaha Dating Service" was more obviously unlawful. The customer simply chooses the person of their affections, and Jim waits in a blind with a tranquilizer rifle. Your future mate is then weighed, measured, tagged with a radio transmitter, and delivered to your house, where she will be impressed by your obsessive and criminal intensity and fall madly in love with you. Or not.

Then there was the bowl of rocks to place on your dashboard to throw at motorists who upset you. Or the "Hellmark Hate Cards"...

Well, back to the lab then...