Tom Demko Rambles

The Smoking Man Casts His Vote

2008-11-18T22:52:00.005-05:00

Was the 2008 presidential election fixed? Possibly by this guy?

Is this his new boss...

He's not a registered voter you say? Oil prices ramped up shortly prior to the election, kicking the economy in the groin. The bleeding economy pressured voters to dump anything remotely resembling the current administration. Change...you betcha...Conspiracy? Only the smoking man knows for sure...

Financial Crises

2008-11-18T11:16:00.003-05:00

It would appear after many years of redefining "recession", "consumer price index", etc we have run out of rope. The government is presently forced to admit the economy is in a downturn. (Translate...the party's over...) The new administration (Street Gang), The Obama Boys, as well as every world leader, politician, minister, and professional con man, promises to "fix the system...so this never happens again!"

While politicians have an influence on the economy, I think it improbable they have more control over it than I can can "control" the weather. Can the squiggley measurements of economic gains vs time mean we should have a turbulance free growing economy? I doubt it! While not totally losing compassion for those less fortunate than us, which is a big chunk of the globe, economic downhills are an integral part of mountains.

The wild animal is subject to feast and famine, a subject of free will. The person who lives in a world of constant plenty (pictured below) has a surprise coming...

Ceiling Fans

2008-07-27T16:06:00.002-04:00

It's time to write candidly about ceiling fans. After years of nodding to winter or summer directions of rotation, I end my silence. A fan will not cool a space. In fact, the fan adds heat. The energy it uses is not destoyed, and is dissapated into the space as heat from mechanical friction and motor losses. The actual air movement is kinetic energy, faster molecules, heat energy. Sound crazy? Refrigeration calculations include evaporator fan heat load. These are small numbers.

The fan "cools" by providing air movement which aids evaporating cooling of sweat on the skin. It "heats" by agitating the air in a room to prevent stratification, moving warm air from the ceiling to create a uniform air temperature.

Soooooo which direction should it turn? I say what's the difference. It will ciculate air to a uniform temperature, regardless of direction. But I will still nod to whatever direction you say.

Voter Qualification Exam

2008-07-10T16:56:00.005-04:00

In order to ensure quality future leadership for the USA, voters and candidates should pass the following exam.

1) Identify picture to the right
a) elbow
b) asshole
c) hole in the ground
d) none of the above

2) Identify picture to the right
a) elbow
b) asshole
c) hole in the ground
d) none of the above

3) Identify picture to the right
a) elbow
b) asshole
c) hole in the ground
d) none of the above

4) If the government gives you $600, where does it come from?
a) the mint...they just print it
b) Uncle Sam (who is a bazillion-aire)
c) tax surpluses, mountains of "spare cash"
d) the government finances it, then taxes you $600 plus interest someday

5) How often do you get fact mixed up with stupid?
a) never
b) sometimes
c) all the time
d) fact and stupid are the same

6) What does it mean when a traffic light is red?
a) stop the car you're driving
b) I don't know
c) stop the cars others are driving
d) go

7) What can be done to reduce gas prices?
a) drive faster to reduce time using gas
b) complain to politicians who control the free market economy
c) complain to OPEC, who "feel your pain"...you arrogant, obese Americans
d) reduce demand by reducing consumption

8) The letter a is the correct answer
a) the correct answer
b) wrong answer...do not select
c) wrong answer...do not select
d) wrong answer...do not select

9) Which of the following is an actual person?
a) Batman
b) Superman
c) Uncle Sam
d) Ben Bernanke

10) Which of the following is a number?
a) letter
b) utube
c) not a number
d) 1

Strange Brew

2008-04-30T09:08:00.004-04:00

This morning I made two cappuccinos, one for me, one for my fiance'. Nothing unusual until she sipped and said "This tastes salty...!" I verified the sugar cup contained sugar, not its evil twin salt. I smelled her cup...yes indeed, something is awry.

My cappuccino is simple and pure. Coffee and milk, no sugar, no cinnamon. Hers contains a spoon of sugar, and a sprinkling of cinnamon. Actually, the cinnamon was a bit easier to apply today.

"You used All-season instead of Cinnamon!"
"Preposterous. Statistically, I'm never wrong!" Well, true enough, I don't claim I don't occasionally make mistakes. My analytical skills are in fact...flawless. I opened the cabinet, the spices perched in one place, Cinnamon, All-Spice, Strychnine...

So now come the questions
...did some "axis of evil" manipulate the spices?
...was it a "Freudian Slip"...did I subconsciously want to end her?
...Could I be ...perish the thought...imperfect?

Quote of the Day

2008-03-27T20:08:00.003-04:00

"I can't even say what I did to piss her off..."
(Bill)

The Human Trap

2008-03-25T17:50:00.004-04:00

I once repaired a latch on 2 outside swing doors for a trash area. It was a rudimentary mechanism, simply a steel rod held by gravity into a hole drilled in the concrete pad. I realized it possible to be locked inside if the door were to close, the latch was on the outside. I went into the truck to get a tool, and sure enough, an employee had locked herself in.

I thought, if I was an alien with a taste for humans, how easy prey we would be...

Having recently completed some network training, I realized the perception of privacy on the internet is imaginary. You may believe your ISP IP address is dynamic, but guess what? Not likely. And the modem inside your house? Your computer? Your network router? Every NIC (Network Interface Card) has a unique physical address. It wasn't me! OOooops, the long arm of the law, if it knows what it's doing, can reach right down that cable, telephone line, or wireless connection, and document physical evidence if seized during a search. Hal? I doubt it. Big Brother, maybe...

Free Money

2008-03-13T19:58:00.002-04:00

I am pleased to learn that the United States Congress and George Bush will soon be sending me the princely sum of $600 US. Yeah Baby! Way to go! Perhaps my credit card lenders will also send me checks for 600 bucks!

This is precisely the "new accounting" used by ENRON (I'm joking of course. Enron was reporting theoretical future revenues as assets). I could pay one credit card with another, and provided they increase my limits until I win Powerball, or am killed by a lighting strike, whichever comes first (statistically the latter) I'm set for life!

It takes the towering intellect of genius Rush Limbaugh to discover the government does not generate its own wealth. It comes out of our wallets. Fortunately the federal deficit is financed at a much lower interest rate than VISA. But the $600 will come back out of our wallets in the future...with compound interest.

Yeah sure, the economy might be stimulated, keeping tax burden from escalating...or will it? Wouldn't it make more sense to cut spending? Reduce fuel demand? But noooooooooooooo...!!!Let's party! See you at the Gas Station...

Taze Me?

2008-02-10T12:12:00.000-05:00

Don't taze me man! Hit me with the baton! I prefer contusions and shattered bones...no wait!...I'll take what Jay has is in the box! Ooops...a service revolver!; a tiny piece of metal plowing a swath through my internals is much preferable to electric shock. Can you say sepsis? But what's behind door number 3? A good ole' fashioned beating! Being twisted into a human pretzel by four guys trained in some quasi martial arts...excellent choice sir!

Let's not get fact mixed up with stupid...I doubt there're many law enforcement reps who won't stand down if you stand down. The art of fighting without fighting. After all, there's no point in arguing with someone who's function is to "enforce and aid prosecution", and to "protect public safety". If you need to argue, tell it to the judge.

Less romantic than movies, but then again, media often combines fact and stupid until reality becomes unimaginable...they need conflict... no conflict, no story. The tazer is not precise. Like "it's not the voltage that kills you...it's the amps!". I'm mildly amused by the proposition, but not enough to experiment with flying like a bird or finding my personal milli-amp-fibrilation threshold.

Time will decide the fate of the tazer. Maybe they'll perfect tranquilizers, or use smart artillary for car chases, or simply speed govern engines to zero with onstar. Set your phasers to stun...

Hurry up to get to the red light so you won't have to wait as long!

2008-01-19T22:26:00.000-05:00

We're not feeling pain at the pump yet. Ours is a dreamland of waste and wallowing in our own crapulence. Behold, prices soar and the lines waiting to be pumped at the gas station grow. All junkies, 'cept the bums and destitute who can't afford cars, and the drunks who can't drive anymore...(they are free...)

Imagine for a moment, a people programmed to consume energy. Call them "Dinks". Dinks would live remotely from food... employment... school... commerce. They'd rely on the internal combustion engine to move from place to place. Think of a way to waste energy. Dinks do it. Watch lines of idling cars wait for food. Drive from parking lot to parking lot within walking distance. Treat pedestrians and bicyclists with contempt. Shop with the car idling. Drive as inefficiently as possible; Drive fast, accelerate quickly. Hurry up and get to the red light so you don't have to wait as long.

And why not? There are plenty of dealers willing to harvest Dink cash. (You might notice dealers want nuclear energy, so they don't themselves become junkies)

Driving is freedom, the only freedom many of the Dinks will ever know. It is a moment when one has control of direction in life, own a territory, inalienable rights, play the starring role with theme music blaring. Haven't you ever just gone for a ride? It's a lifestyle other nations seek to emulate. Wow...1.8 billion more Dinks. Supply will satisfy greater demand at higher price. "Yeah baby!" chant the dealers in an ancient tongue...

Freedom?

2008-01-16T23:15:00.000-05:00

Pooping whenever, wherever might be freedom, but a plumbing professional knows it's not sanitary. Freedom is lost to disease and pestilence. Flies and other vermin. Not to mention the smell. Oh, the horror...the horror!

Freedom

2008-01-13T09:23:00.000-05:00

There's a fish tank at a breakfast place I frequent, where suddenly my breakfast buddy pointed out one of the fish was taking a dump. I probably wouldn't have noticed, and perhaps he should have kept his trap shut. Time stopped for an instant and the earth shook as my mind's wheel began to rotate.

"Now that's freedom!" I exclaimed. It's so oppressive to be forced to control one's bodily functions. And for what? Appearances? It's not like the Queen of England doesn't squat to pinch a loaf. The pope may not shit in the woods all that often, but I'll bet he's clogged the Holy Crapper during his reign.

Perhaps the garden of eden was our being animals, and the apple (orange) of knowledge our evolution to society. Paradise was pooping whenever, fornicating like rabbits and not having the mental capacity for regret. There was no "politically correct, as a matter of fact, there was very little connecting action with consequence. No taxes! Now that's Freedom!

A warm, empty mug

2007-11-30T17:18:00.000-05:00

My favorite coffee shop closed. It's not the first time this has happened to me...

Only a few years ago I was recovering from the loss of my first. Each, a piece of my heart gone, yet now a heart of stone... conditioned...unstoppable. So life grinds on, I sit perched in a less favorite coffee shop.

I think about them... how they felt... about holding on... they parade past my minds eye. Moments we shared...smiles we gave...tears we cried...pouting...jabs and backfists...savage words and thoughtless actions...comfort.

Analyzing, though I shouldn't, after these years I realize I needed them to close. To walk the gauntlet cradling a cup in fear of splashing those you love is to live in fear. Comfort and convenience are not life. Sometimes, the obtuse are more enlightened than the quick. I wouldn't trade where I am for ten of where I was.

The SugarCube is a loss. A loss for her captains...I was priveledged to know them. A good crew was lost. Of course, for the inmates of an asylum afloat in a sea of unrelenting storm...a loss. I have remarked my aquantainces there are largely insane, but I've always been stark raving mad, that's why I love the sea...

Is Pluto a man or a dog?

2007-09-23T09:23:00.000-04:00

It is bewildering to behold the metastasis of intolerant belief systems. Groups of humans who agree on a protocol of behavior and categorize other systems as obviously defective, sometimes with extreme prejudice.

There are many, many, many of these "street gangs" currently in active existence, as a matter of fact, there are more street gangs than supermarkets... perhaps comrades are more vital than food.

Some street gangs are tolerant of others. Some, like wild animals, will attack on prolonged eye contact. History is brimming with episodes of ethnic cleansing (genocide) by street gangs.

Few are not affiliated with a street gang, there are many types. It's possible to be in a street gang without knowing. Careful awareness and scrutiny are required to observe oneself promulgating his/her gang's beliefs on others, evaluating others and their actions as if one were absolute, or inflicting pain or humiliation on others outside the gang. It requires half a lifetime or more to learn to recognize the consequences of your actions. It's kind of like figuring out your reflection for the first time.

The differences in the various belief systems can be large or small. Proving a system to be the genuine truth is a common activity, and while members often agree on the obvious nature of the evidence for their gang to be the alpha-dogs, it's like trying to argue whether Pluto is a man or a dog. The creator(s) of Pluto may not have decided.

Man might not have had creator(s)...

Calling Dr Kevorkian

2007-09-20T22:18:00.000-04:00

While it may still be legal to shoot traveling salesmen who wander onto your property in Texas, it is more problematic to commit suicide if you are terminally ill (unless you happen to be wandering around a Texas ranch).

Dr "Death" is out of commission. He messed with the law, (and the law won), and it appears he didn't care for prison. So, what to do?

"Death with dignity" can still be found. As a matter of fact, it's been around for quite some time if you happen to be Samurai. Why die like some shriveling grape hooked up to a plastic tube when you can die like a warrior? Check out the Kozuka (suicide knife)!

Yeah Baby! This is the "Hummer" of suicide devices. Be sure to thrust the Kozuka forcefully into the stomach, otherwise the implied guarantee of “Death with honor” will be void by Samurai tradition. It may be simpler and less painful to allow your terminal illness to complete its course. Please note Samurai training could be strenuous, and require years to complete. Not necessarily legal in all localities. Violates OSHA regulations. Not for use by non-Samurai.

Oddities

2007-07-30T15:07:00.000-04:00

...the scientist discovered the oldest living thing on planet earth; then killed it to determine its age...

Magician?

2007-07-21T10:04:00.000-04:00

'Twas a Harry Potter event at a major bookseller Fri PM when the words "the magician is stuck in traffic" sounded from the loudspeaker. What kind of crap is that? How can one believe he possesses magical powers if he can't even command his commute? It's like the mind reader who asks your name. An "expert" who is unable to think their way out of a paper bag...

Harry Potter is the Devil !

2007-07-11T08:08:00.000-04:00

Yes yes, it's true! Surrounded by witches and warlocks and magic spells (I never seen or read any of Harry Potter series) he's clearly the devil! Keep away from him...he'll turn you into a newt! Avert your eyes!.. 'e can hippotize with them spectacles...Run away!!! Run away!!!

Letter to whom it may concern

2007-04-27T17:31:00.000-04:00

Dear Sirs or Madams who have been Emailing regarding my "unit"

Thank you for your concern. I am aware of the dimensions of my "magic wand". I'm sure your "MEGADIK" product works wonders, but according to my calculations an increase of a magnitude of 1,000,000 would leave me with no (human) partners. I'd be limited to dating perhaps elephants, a situation I deem undesirable.

So who put out the word about my tiny, flaccid, pathetic penis?

It is possible my significant other has been posting complaints of my inadequacies on the Internet, resulting in my overflowing virtual mailbox. According to my calculations, it is unlikely. If she was I'd be receiving offers from shrinks, etiquette schools, and hair growth trainers, not to mention a variety of physicians to address many physical malfunctions. Offers for couch time to mitigate my "I'm always right...even when I'm wrong I'm right" issue (I don't care, it just statistically happens to be accurate), or my inability to change brands of household items such as toilet paper. Quirks and strange habits, forgetfulness and public scratching: too numerous to list.

I can't believe she didn't post numerous complaints about my malodorous, loud, noisy, and above all frequent flatulence outbursts. I'm sure I'd be receiving more "microfart" than "megadik".

So, in conclusion, thank you all for your concern, but I'm ok. Really! OK!

What a strange, strange journey this is...

2007-03-24T16:11:00.000-04:00

Browsing the newspaper, I skimmed an article about a lawsuit involving a person slipping on a shred of lettuce at a salad bar, falling and sustaining a shoulder injury. I don't recall the remedy to "make this person whole", nor is it my intent to belittle the injury. (Unless you practice falling and condition your body, these injuries can be quite serious, especially for an adult).

I can't help but wonder how someone who faces an IED (Improvised Explosive Device) or suicide bomb on their trip to the supermarket sorts their coupons. Will I find fresh fruit today, or will I sustain serious burns, shrapnel, or chlorine gas? Will my son be tortured and murdered for being in the wrong place at the wrong time?

It can only bother me if I think about it. I have more important problems to contend with...like finding a nice piece of apple-crumb cake or a smooth Cappuccino. I'm aware of suffering around me, some in distant lands I watch while pedaling my exercise bike to atone for my crapulence. I accept it. I know I am the tyranny of evil men. Our lives are so easy. I think of the struggles of my parents, and of how difficult life was only a few hundred years ago. I think of the heavy steel bikes people ride through the rain to work in China, and the light aluminum bike with shocks that I ride for "sport".

As far as tyranny goes, we're lightweights. The baddest people I've heard of pale to the all time baddest, like Joey Stalin, Hitler, or Genghis Kahn. Bush/Cheney will amount to mere blips of the radar of history, unless something really goes wrong and they let out the big dogs. You never know, things might still work out for them.

At the end of the day, I'll go back to enjoying one more beautiful, sunny day, the same sun shining across the skies warming Saddam's grave. People around me will continue to complain about stupid drivers, cold days, and poor Anne Nichole Smith's untimely demise. But I'll try to be the shepard.

Incredible!

2007-02-27T08:06:00.000-05:00

in·cred·i·ble

adj.
1. So implausible as to elicit disbelief: gave an incredible explanation of the cause of the accident.

2. Astonishing: dressed with incredible speed.

Why do so many people use this word in definition mode two? Why not "dressed at ludicrous speed"? Advertising loves the word: "incredible" prices...I guess they want to avoid "very low" or "sub-zero" or "angstromian" (ok...I made that one up) prices. Perhaps they mean to say "deceptively low pricing with poor values", but you can't fault advertisers, criminals or politicians for a view of truth outside the realm of Newtonian reality. Frankly, I'm weary of this word stifling our imaginations.

Just look at it! IN (Not) Credible. Every time I hear it, I think, hmmmmmm, no credibility, so I figure whatever comes next has high probability of being false. I could circulate a petition to abolish the second definition, but I'm so inf-ingcredibly lazy I won't. Incredibly, I might boycott the word, but then I don't use it anyway, I prefer "fantastic". Well, I've run out of steam, so I'll conclude, incredibly enough, I might need to start taking my meds.

Fantastic!

The Virgin Prostitute

2007-01-31T09:12:00.000-05:00

I won't say who, but someone I know turned to me and asked "If Mary was a prostitute, why do they call her the Virgin Mary?" Odd... A catholic asking an atheist about religion. I explained there were minimally two Marys in the bible; the mother Mary, or virgin Mary was the mother of Jesus, Mary Magdalene, a buddy of Jesus, was a former prostitute.

The "Greatest Story Ever Told" blows me away. A virgin mother? So inconceivable it's surely the product of great genius (or translation error). Produces the child of a deity. Mortal, yet immortal. Betrayed, crucified, then rising from the dead. Wow! Imagine no religion and someone told you this story. You might be skeptical.

Quentin Tarantino can't hold a candle to how f'd up things get in the history of religion, which is a bit scary if you think about it. Then again, we don't. Think that is. It appears many people are not deeply religious; registered with one party or the other but unversed in the tenets thereof, setting foot in church three times a year. I guess the independents can't vote in the primaries...

Keep Tips Up

2007-01-30T21:53:00.000-05:00

If you ski, you're sure to be familiar with the signs pictured. They are posted at the top of chair lifts. Have you ever wondered why? Many years ago, when I was a little skier of maybe 10 or so, I wondered too. Being quite the scientist, I decided to conduct a little emperical research.

My results. As you approach, the Lift Operator repeatedly shouts for you to get your tips up. If you ignore him (or her), as I did, he (she) stops the lift. Today, it's obvious to me your skis would get caught in the snow, then in all likelyhood peel you face down off the carrier (chair), which would drag over your moronic, screaming body.

To truly understand life, once in a while, you need to try stupid things.

Learned Behaviors

2006-12-09T16:48:00.000-05:00

Today I noticed myself "busting a move". I recognized its source immediately, and quite frankly, I'm a bit unnerved. Those of you who care for rabbits will recognize it immediately. A rabbit will "stomp" one of its rear legs. I don't quite know why, but I caught myself doing the "Bunny Stomp" today while waiting for the drinking fountain.

If I unconsiously exhibit a behavior, learned from a rabbit of my childhood, what else is lurking inside my brain...?

The Towel

2006-11-04T13:40:00.001-05:00

Some months ago, I was showering after a swim at the Y, and someone absconded with my towel. There was some other guy showering, and some kids running around, but being essentially blind without glasses, I didn't see what happened. I didn't consider my towel a high risk theft item, and don't need glasses, unless of course, when in the women's shower. (Which would be a more interesting post than this one,if further away from reality)

What to do? I shook myself off, dressed wet, and experienced a James Bond moment. I could go anywhere and retain my composure, just like when Bond escaped from the locked hospital ward in pajamas, and walked into a five star hotel, requesting the best suite and expensive liquor. I think I went to dance class.

Regardless of how f'd up life gets, I think back to "Touching the Void", the standard for a bad situation, or think What would Bond do now?" So, until my dentist starts screaming "Is it Safe ?!!", or my dick explodes, I'm fine with inconveniences (challenges) reminding me of just how good life is if you allow it to be.

Evidence the Knights that say "Ni !" did exist

2006-10-24T20:45:00.000-04:00

Who's master now ?!!

2006-10-05T20:17:00.000-04:00

Old King of the Hill

2006-10-01T19:38:00.000-04:00

2006-09-27T09:13:00.000-04:00

Soooooooooooo... Yesterday I was working in the lobby of one of my accounts, and phoned a vendor to cancel a quick ship parts order. I was corralled through voice-mail hell and found myself holding.

I'm not into multi-tasking, imagine your doctor talking to his accountant on his "cell phone BORG ear implant" while he's guiding a footlong needle into your penis. But that's not where it gets strange.

In the lobby, Muzak is playing a 70's song. Music on hold clicks in, and it's the same song, from the same feed. I'm in CT. The vendor is in OK. I'm not sure at first, but as lyrics come back it is confirmed.

Yes, we are all unified, across the planet, perhaps the universe, by Muzak, which is a well known form of mind control available to the highest bidder. I was transfixed; mortified; craving popcorn, soda, and the latest windows operating system. Without warning I wanted to buy sneakers at Foot Locker, pants at the Gap, and vote for Bush.

My arms stretched out in front of me and I went into a trance, chanting "Brains... Brains... BRAINS!!!

Anger and Fear

2006-08-20T10:12:00.000-04:00

Is anger fear? When I become angry, a loss of control occurs. Control of the universe. Someone or something does something I haven't consciously sanctioned. Frustration is displayed as anger, I threaten the situation with scowls or harsh language or even force. Jealousy... Same thing. I'm thinking it's all fear. Fear of not getting what you want, boiling down to fulfilling primeval desires... eating, sleeping and orgasming.

If it's true all that exists emanates from my imagination, why would I create angry people... They can be so annoying. I must find them somehow amusing. And why do I become angry? My only real fear is waking up without my penis... and heights. And smurfs. Smurfs are cannibals. Blue balled cannibals I tell you. Beware of the Smurfs!

Mental Ward

2006-07-21T16:44:00.000-04:00

Lately it occurs to me how many people in the stores and streets and everywhere behave as escaped mental patients. I understand some years back many mental institutions were closed and patients integrated with the larger community. While the line between crazies and the sane has always been difficult to define, I think more and more insane people walk among us, myself excepted. Certainly, they can live free and productive lives, but all too often lose touch with their prescriptions and therapy, then are squeezed by financial restraints. Soon law enforcement has to control the lunacy level. It's bad all around.

Some days it's tough to find any sane people at all; they are easy to spot...they think just like me...

Wild Old Ladies

2006-07-20T09:47:00.000-04:00

A co-worker of mine, a woman who might be considered older (not for her feisty nature, but let's face it, when you're a grand-ma...), related the following observation. The older a woman gets, the more likely the current sexual encounter might be her last. Hang on for your life, boys!

While SNL's "The Ladies Man" might characterize sex among older people as "yeah...That's disgusting...", the reality is everyone whether they see it coming or not, will age.

So forget those firm, porno-queen California blonde mind-candies, and go for Granny.

The Driving Test

2006-06-29T12:49:00.000-04:00

Determining if you've found a suitable mate is a daunting task. You can play mind games, fill in lengthy E-Harmony physc surveys, hire private investigators, sit with shrinks, hairdressers and friends, read book after book, or even pinch your S.O. to the verge of strangling you. In spite of their strengths, all these methods sometimes fail.

In the lovey-dovey stage of a relationship, no one has faults. But lovey-dovey only lasts for so long, and can turn to stab and burn in the blink of an eye. By that time, you're living together or married, and it's too late to just stop calling. You are forced to resort to expensive assassins, or complex "accident" schemes, with long prison sentences if things go wrong. Is there an easier, more reliable way?

Absolutely. I have no qualms going the distance for a decent person, but how can you tell? Truth serum aside, I've decided the tell all evaluator is the driving test. It may be difficult for guys to give up the wheel, but you must let her drive you around. Then observe. If she (or he) drives recklessly, they will probably be reckless with you. Road rage is a sure sign of an angry person, driving an SUV or pickup with a "King of the Road" attitude is a clear "delusions of Grandeur" indicator. Driving unaware of what's going on is a person who is disconnected from reality.

I recommend running covert video to be sure he/she is not behaving nicely when you're around. Under the illusion of anonymity, primeval behaviors manifest as people drive. A disciplined driver will adjust for weather conditions, posted speed limits, traffic, and neighbor pedestrians, while many drivers will run you down for driving the speed "limit". If you can live with your S.O. on the road, you'll be okay at home. Try it! Take notes!

Integrity

2006-06-27T08:49:00.000-04:00

Last week while working I encountered a wasp nest in the control area of a Bohn Mac-6H condensing unit. It was a hot day, and they were very active. Given the scope of work I needed to accomplish, I made the decision to destroy them. Mass arthopodicide. I used a commercial Wasp & Hornet spray; they did not suffer long. As scouts came back to the demised nest and (understandably) harassed me, I murdered them too. I spared many other nests that day, but still found myself running around the roof chasing insects with a pressure washer wand. I'd spray them down with water, then squish them. The words "I'll execute every m-f-ing one of ya" could be heard by passers by on ground level. I abandoned civility and transformed into a barbarian arthropod murdering human.

Contrast this to my previous post where I'm conflicted by two little kids stomping an ant to death. Or the many times I "escort" a bug out of the house with a glass and magazine. I appear to have lost integrity, I'll hold to an ethic, but only when convenient. I guess it's better than having no ethical integrity at all. Maybe...

Creme Twirls

2006-06-25T10:50:00.000-04:00

I apologize for my derelict blogging schedule. I've been busy with other "stuff". I've had brilliant words at the tip of my tongue, but swallowed them before I could write them down. This entry is the consolation prize.

I can't complain, but sometimes I still do (Joe Walsh). In the past, my local Super Duper Amazing Awesome Stop and Shop or Pee stocked a confection known as "Creme Twirls".

These are very light, sickly sweet sugary; like a sugar-heroin shot, bringing one to an immediate high after pig-slopping an entire package down your maw. I'd buy them every now and again, maybe bi-weekly. I pretend they're not bad for my diet (being so light and fluffy...)

An evil cloud hovered above my supermarket, and the creme twirls disappeared. I'd walk across the supermarket (about half a mile) to the bakery, and search for my beloved sugar fix, but they were not to be found. I eventually discovered other SDAASSP locations had them, and when I was out of town, if I was lucky enough to get to the store before closing, I'd treat myself to the Creme' Delights.

Being a creature of habit, I find it interesting how my routine constantly changes. Sometimes I get bored and change it, but changes often result from external forces. One fine day, my GF and I went to a Polish Bakery, and behold what I found!

These beauties are much different. The Creme is not a sugar-crap injection, more eggy, and the crust is crunchier (I love crunchy) with wonderful "sprinklies" on it. The conspiracy of the "Evil Empire" to deprive me of Creme' Twirls led me to luscious Polish Creme' Twirls.

I suppose I could've simply asked my SDAASSP bakery to stock them again, but it was easier to be hurt and angry and develop an "Evil Empire" conspiracy theory. Next entry, why my Supermarket stopped stocking my Planters Trail Mix, and runs out of caffeine Free Diet Coke. Inventory control and the magic of counting...

Arthropodicide

2006-06-03T20:17:00.000-04:00

One day I was lounging and sipping my Cappuccino as two young children waited for their mother. A boy and younger girl, maybe 6 or so. We were outside on the front porch of the coffee shop. An ant scurried past them, catching the attention of the young man. He stomped upon the ant, he might have seemed a bit frightened by the creature he towered over. The ant was wounded by the impact of the sneaker stomp, and flailed wildly.

I don't remember what happened next. I'm pretty sure the ant did not retaliate against the mountain that stepped on him. No sneakers were shredded; another blow or two, at least one from an apprehensive sister who also appeared to fear the ant.

Ants are tough, so the ant did not meet his death swiftly, but lived until another feeble stomp finally did him in. I guess he exited the great stage of life to the ant afterlife, where he would presumably live on a neverending sugarcube and be greeted by a harem of ant virgins (ant hell), or if he was a good ant, a harem of ant porno queens (ant heaven).

I'm not sure why I'm affected by this. I've crushed many arthropods in my lifetime. I'm quick and merciful to be sure, but still kill them when I deem necessary. I considered the ants life precious, but did nothing to defend it. I seem conflicted by the maliciousness of seeming innocent children, and wonder if this is some reflection of their parents. Are they treacherous people? Are they so afraid they need to kill everything that threatens them? Is it better to be a killer who heals than a healer who kills?

Silly Human Behavior

2006-05-29T10:37:00.000-04:00

I believe one should spend four seasons with a significant other before making serious commitments. You just never know someone until you torture them. Yesterday, I was at my GF's apartment, and threw away an empty tea box. Not long afterwards, she removed it from the trash can and examined it, checking to be sure it was empty.

Now, it makes me wonder. Did she think I disposed of it with tea bags inside? Maybe I was going to smuggle them out with the trash and bring them home later. Maybe there was a prize inside for her to find. In her defense, I can be quite unpredictable and exhibit behaviors indigenous to the very brilliant or the criminally insane. Hmmmmmmmmm...Or was it a "glitch" in the matrix?

Senior Moment

2006-05-23T22:52:00.000-04:00

I hesitate to call them "Senior" moments, as it links diminished mental function with inevitable aging. I prefer to think of them as "glitches in the matrix". Anyhow, the other day I was about to open my front door, frantically searching for the door keys, which were in my hand. I know it sounds bad, but then, I was holding several items.

For a while I was taking Gingko Baloba, but I stopped as I perceived no benefit. I forget things, lose blocks of time, etc. I've experienced better performance by maintaining physical health and exercising my mind.

Something tells me I'm in for more "glitches", but outside of locking myself out of the house or walking around with my pants unzipped, I'm ok.

Why are my best business ideas illegal?

2006-05-15T21:00:00.000-04:00

I have brilliant business ideas, as do most people, but they never seem to be quite legal. For example, watching the news one evening, finding the anchor-woman to be most attractive, I said to myself...She's hot...I'd like to stalk her! I've never stalked anyone, I don't know why it even came to mind. I might have considered her "out of my league" back in the days before I abolished the "league" system (it wasn't working for me). Anyhow, I soon realized I didn't have the time to stalk her. So, "click", the light comes on. How about starting a "stalking service". A professional stalker, probably an ex-pi, tracks the movements and activities of your subject, and submits a professionally type-written report on a weekly basis.

This is a great business idea because many people will wish to stalk the same person, so you could create "economies of scale". But get this. Stalking is illegal.

The "Mutual of Omaha Dating Service" was more obviously unlawful. The customer simply chooses the person of their affections, and Jim waits in a blind with a tranquilizer rifle. Your future mate is then weighed, measured, tagged with a radio transmitter, and delivered to your house, where she will be impressed by your obsessive and criminal intensity and fall madly in love with you. Or not.

Then there was the bowl of rocks to place on your dashboard to throw at motorists who upset you. Or the "Hellmark Hate Cards"...

Well, back to the lab then...

Priorities

2006-05-14T08:24:00.000-04:00

Waiting for Billy H

2006-05-03T22:11:00.000-04:00

I can't help but wonder if Bill Gates gets some perverse satisfaction from the reality that almost every computer-using human on the planet waits for Windows to boot up. Maybe it's retribution for a time he was stood up, or maybe stuck in traffic, but he's having the last laugh. What's Windows doing during the 4 minute startup? If you listen real close, you can hear your computer lackadaisically singing "La de da, da, da, dee, dum, etc". We all wait for Billy H.

Why is it when I dial a wrong area code it takes forty rings for the automated message to answer? And why, if it is possible to put a living, breathing man on the moon, I have to know when or when not to dial 1?

Stop crucifying on my logo!!!

2006-04-30T14:01:00.000-04:00

Lately, I've noticed certain religious factions using my trademark logo (t)(as in my first initial), as a crucifixion device. I don't mind the free advertising, you can find my logo everywhere. Just stop hanging saviors from it, I find it a bit annoying...Please stop.

Spring has Sprung

2006-04-26T07:57:00.000-04:00

It's that time of year again (a truism with no meaning). Driving out of my neighborhood I'm treated to a parade of colors, Magnolias losing their blooms, yellows and pinks and purples everywhere. Tulips color the ground, grass becomes blankets of green. Trees bud, some still in a winter snooze; the sun warms us all, chilly mornings reminiscent of arctic breeze. Birds chirp as squirrels zig-zag. The first bunny of spring hopped across the street as I drove this morning.

There's nothing like a warm, sunshiny day, great classic rock on the radio, people running and walking and tending to their lawns, to help one realize paradise.

Intimate Embrace

2006-04-22T08:51:00.000-04:00

Childhood

2006-04-18T07:50:00.000-04:00

I should never have grown up. Pity. I was so happy as a child. (Antoine de Saint Exupery).

Talking to a friend of mine, I came up with the idea of generating a short list for this blog called "Rules of engagement for marriage". He laughed, I figured it would be so easy, given my clarity of thought since I've never been married.

Except, how do two different minds co-exist together? One wants to go one direction, one another. God, I'm bored! Sure, it's easy in the beginning, but how do people sustain? When alone, simply do what you want to be happy (though after enough time, loneliness is painful). Remaining true to a partner who appears uninterested is just like being alone, together. (read painful)

Even if one partner forfeits, the other is hurt by unhappiness that is impossible to hide. I don't suppose it's possible to not grow up. I don't imagine sulking or withdrawal are the solutions. I sense the key is communication...

Free Parking!!!

2006-04-13T18:15:00.000-04:00

Who is this Parking guy, and how oppressed must he be to have so many supporters and municipalities posting signs to free him(her)...?

Heaven

2006-04-09T15:00:00.000-04:00

This morning at breakfast I had a vision. Well, really, it was more of an idea; if nutured with enough money could become a concept. I want to start a chain restaurant with a totally new dining concept. I want the servers to rub my belly and burp me after the meal. I'd call the place "Heaven".

Cooking the Ladle

2006-04-02T13:45:00.000-04:00

No, I'm not heating soup, I'm "Cooking the Ladle", which works particularly well when it's made of metal. When allowed to simmer for a few hours, that ladle will reach an equilibrium state of uniform temperature. I find it useful to decrease my reaction times, and to discourage poaching...

James Bond Bike Ride Adventure

2006-04-01T15:45:00.000-05:00

I rode my bike from Cromwell to Hartford the other day, visiting the Wadsworth Antheneum and lunching with my sister. After a truly delish lunch, and sauntering through the museum, Rodin being the featured artist, I began the 15 mile trek home.

Nice weather, warm day, relatively flat terrain, an easy ride. I completed the first leg through harrowing traffic of Hartford and Northern Wethersfield, now riding the relaxing back roads paralleling Silas Dean Highway when "clink". I lost drive train and coasted to a stop.

I surveyed the damage, broken chain, link pin missing. Possible sabotage. I was about 5 miles from my Rocky Hill bike shop, Cycling Concepts, no others near I know of. I dismounted and walked back and forth, searching for the missing pin to no avail. I resigned myself to walk a bit, and search for a temporary fix on the side of the road.

I was ok for food and water, a couple blocks east of me. I had cell phone communications, good neighborhood, so I wasn't in much danger. Plenty daylight to walk home. I coasted down a hill, walking the bike on the flats.

It wasn't long before I invoked my James Bond training. Passing under a bridge I found a piece of car tire, which contained strands of steel wire. I unwrapped a few strands.

I threaded the chain onto the bike gears and joined the links with steel wire, tying the wire on the outside of the chain to keep the joint out of the gears, and wrapping enough strands to withstand the tension for the trip to the bike shop, which would go up a couple hills.

unfortunately. my hands were filthy by now, which never seems to happen to Bond, no matter what, he never gets schmutzig. Hmmmmmm.

As I tested my engineering, James Bond theme music began playing around me. I built up speed, being careful not to over-stress the repair. By the time I reached the final hill, I was confident I would make it. Soon, the bike shop mechanic, "D" was putting on a new chain and replacing a worn gear cassette. I overheard the name "MacGyver" used to describe me, and naturally I became furious and killed everyone in the bike shop with hand to hand combat and using various bike parts as weapons (no...not really).

"I hate MacGyver! My names Bond, I mean Demko, Tom Demko...."

Vera blooms

2006-03-27T13:31:00.000-05:00

This morning my Amaryllis, Vera, bloomed. She is a door prize from my National Association of Oil Heat Service Managers Xmas meeting, and holds the dubious distinction of surviving under my care since then. She's sooooo pretty!

Swim Goggles

2006-03-22T15:58:00.000-05:00

I'm taking swim lessons, and am now the proud owner of a pair of swimming goggles.

They are in my estimation, superfine, enabling me to see where I'm going, one of three of my current impediments to swimming.

The other two? Well, there's breathing. Breathing whilst immersed in air is relatively easy, though it's 79% Nitrogen. Just contract your trusty diaphragm and air is drawn into the lungs. Relax and you exhale. I've found it unadvisable to breathe underwater as the lungs aren't designed to work with H2O. Fortunately, air is just above the surface of the water, it's a matter of getting your mouth above it. Exhaling underwater and emptying the lungs is a bit of a conditioning trick, which I haven't yet mastered. I keep running out of breath the first lap or so, and reach a point of psychological panic. (well, there's stuff to hang onto in pool, how bad can it get?)

Beyond the breathing/lung capacity issue is the muscle issue. My swimming leg and arm muscles are flabby, weak girlie-man variety, atrophied by years of non use and thousands of slices of cheesy-cake. It's time to "pump" them up!

Though it might be easier to modify my body with prescription swim goggles, Darth Vader's breathing apparatus, and motorized fins, in the meantime I'll immersed in the Y's swimming pool, aspirating chlorinated water and vomiting the pizza and cheesecake I eat for lunch...

sKI rEPORT

2006-03-20T12:56:00.000-05:00

It's been a love and hate ski season this year. Two weeks ago, warm weather and rain, three weeks ago beautiful powdery snow. No base, snowstorms staying south, but like anything, you make your own opportunities.

It's cold this week, and where there's cold, and ski resort, there's snow making. Went up Thu 3/17 and Sun 3/19. Not too shabby. Some ice here and there, the bumps are gone from Bear Trap, but a day of skiing is like a day in paradise...except for the lack of cappuccino in the base lodge, which was ten minutes in hell!

Stairway to Heaven

2006-03-14T10:04:00.000-05:00

Credibility

2006-03-07T23:05:00.000-05:00

My policy when troubleshooting is listen to everyone, for sometimes the answer lies in the wisdom of the logic of a drunk old man, yet trust no one. Sometimes people's perceptions are skewed, our senses misleading, a test lead fails, educators occasionally teach lies; a troubleshooter must distill the truth.

I've been reading "What Smart Students Know" by Adam Robinson. I know it's a minor point, but he cites an example stating the formula for the volume of a sphere is 4πr² (page 157). This infuriates me, as I think it's (4/3)πr³. Apparently, smart students get that one wrong. Hope it wasn't a life-safety calculation...ooops!

Awhile back, I was watching a documentary, "Supersize Me", by Morgan Spurlock. He interviews Marion Nestle, PhD, MPH, Chair of Nutrition and Food Studies,NYU, asking her to define a calorie. When she states "...one calorie is the amount of energy that's needed to raise the temperature of a liter of water by one degree centigrade" (Well said) I nearly hit the ceiling! Being a simple tradesman, I believe one calorie is the amount of energy required to raise the temperature of one gram of water by one degree centigrade. Hope she doesn't prescribe meds, she's off by a factor of a thousand (assuming 1ml of water weighs 1 g...true often enough)! (This movie had other issues...good try, but wow...)

Fortunately, locked in academia, how much damage can they cause? It's not like they're installing high voltage wiring, or high pressure steam piping, or diagnosing patients, or driving 80,000 pound trucks behind school buses. I know it's tough to fact check, but even Hans Gruber was impressed by attention to detail. They both lost credibility. I don't discard the entire work, but as I say, listen to everyone, trust no one, only your mind has the ability to find the truth.

Is it...satan?

2006-03-07T16:23:00.000-05:00

Today I was welding with Tigger...my Tungsten Inert Gas Welder. I stared at the flame, wondering what evil lurks in the welder's arc. I don't believe clergy are allowed to weld, fire is the devil's only friend, and welding an instrument of evil.

Of course, I'm not really using a flame, but an electrical arc. A flame is combustion (rapid oxidation) of some carbon based gas. Like air-acetylene or oxy-acetylene. No, the only gas here is Argon, and folks, argon doesn't burn. It's a noble gas, and is used to displace air, or shield the electrode, so it doesn't burn wildly like an electrical short. Argon also happens to be an aphrodisiac for Superman.

It produces a beautiful blue flame, stable, gentle, and hotter than, hmmmmm hell? I clearly see satan when I stare into it. Naturally, I watch through a self-darkening helmet visor, otherwise I'd turn to stone immediately. (Actually, I would prefer to turn to stone rather than endure the pain resulting from welding flash occular injuries)

Religious people see religious images in everyday objects, substance abusers hallicinate while high, when musicians play Black Sabboth at 78 (for the benefit of the youth, audio recordings used to be played on vynil records at 33 1/3 rpm, older records played at 78 rpm, hence, playing a 33 1/3 rpm record at 78 rpm...Black Sabboth played real fast...oh, this is pointless), they see God. I see Satan in the welding arc, lapping the base metal and melting it. I could possibly see the future, it may work as a crystal ball. I once saw Halle Berry walking Cerberus while brazing with air-acetylene. (That was hot)

I'm thinking about what to do for my next career, joining a carnival and fortunetelling by staring into a Tungsten, Inert Gas Welding Arc might be the way to go...

New Blog

2006-03-07T08:35:00.000-05:00

Hey!

Check out my tech blog, all about my thoughts at work.

www.tomdemkotech.blogspot.com

Powder!!!!!!

2006-03-03T12:46:00.000-05:00

Powder powder powder powder powder powder powder powder!!!!!Beautiful, bouncing bunnies, paradise lost, snowman's blow...powder!! Powder!!!!!! Powder!!!!!!
White gold, the stuff that dreams are made of, positively peremptory precious powder powder powder powder powder powder powder!!!!!!

Powder powder, like chowder, powder powder powder powder powder powder powder!!!!!

Dating Ducks in Stream

2006-02-22T13:28:00.000-05:00

This couple enjoyed a chilly swim in the morning sunshine of an ordinary winter day. Somehow, there's nothing better than breakfast, a fresh plum, and a short run/walk before the enduring the rigors of work in the middle of the week. Like Ferris Bueller says..."Life moves pretty fast, if you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it..."

Penguins on Rock

2006-02-20T20:15:00.000-05:00

The Fortuneteller

2006-02-18T18:02:00.000-05:00

A couple years ago I was wandering around a local fair and decided to have my fortune told. I was alone, my girlfriend had just dumped me and I was feeling way too sorry for myself.

I can't remember if they had Tarot cards or a crystal ball. I do remember it was $10 for the cheap reading and $20 for the deluxe (sucker) reading. Naturally, I chose the deluxe (sucker) reading.

I found some of her insights interesting. She correctly deduced (or whatever supernatural process is applicable) I was recently dumped (maybe my droopy demeanor, or tear stained mascara gave me away), and she said I'd find someone else (which did happen). I was surprised she knew I was self-employed, and she said business was good (of course, I did spend the $20...).

Then she spoke of a person I knew who was ill. That's a pretty safe guess on her part, I'd be surprised if anyone doesn't know someone who's ill. She said he wasn't going to make it, it was going to be bad. Big mistake...

I reacted immediately and aggressively. All the light bulbs on all the amusement rides exploded from the percussion of my aura (no...not really). I gave her the look.

This is the same look I give just before disembowling someone with 14 items in the express line. It is the look that makes strangers back off immediately. It's a mystical power. And it worked. My friend had several surgeries and was not doing well, but I changed his destiny, saving his life. She actually backed off and changed her mind, and said he'd be ok. And sure enough, he's fine.

So, I find no point to Fortunetellers other than entertainment. Do not accept the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, kick their asses, and live happily ever after.

Update: The Hyperdump

2006-02-15T13:17:00.000-05:00

Ok. I know I said I wouldn't harp on this, but it won't end. I spoke too soon of the superpowers of my toilet. Alas, it clogged. I tried to flush it to no avail. So I utilize the plunger I keep under the vanity and hopelessly plunge, splashing water on the floor, not budging my super-log clog. Guess what, I am the "James Bond" of unclogging johns, so I waste no time producing a toilet snake. I expertly guide the tool through the trap, twisting it to capture my "prize". I retract nothing. I send it through the trap, still won't flush. I finally have to extend to the maximum 6 foot length, and things start to work, the clog must have been in the piping beyond the john, the snake comes back clean. After a couple more uses, it clogs again. I had a feeling the flush was still weak. By now the auger is back in the truck, I use the plunger again and lo and behold it's fine now. Oh, sweet flush of success!

The Hyperdump

2006-02-15T08:48:00.000-05:00

This morning I experienced a "bowel movement milestone". I'm aquainted with someone who constantly critiques his excretions, and while funny as hell, is a bit strange. I promise to keep my potty-talk to a minimum.

I can estimate size and time pretty well, and a good thing too; I would not want to hold a tape measure to this...12 inches! I'm not kidding! I gave birth! Now I know how a chicken feels...it was like, what's happening here? I'm not reaching a "pinch point", we're not in Kansas anymore!

I heard a thud, then actually stood to marvel at what just happened. What God hath brought! The dump to end all dumps! But there it was, like the Alaskan pipeline, a beached whale! This isn't going to pass through the trap in the toilet, it's like trying to thread a needle with a sledgehammer (sludgehammer)!

Well, I could have digi-cammed a photo, but that's too weird, so I decided to test the engineering of my American Standard Cadet. I have to say, this must be the tour de force for sanitary device engineers. Flush, and I'm amazed it's gone.

And I feel heavenly (and much lighter) now, if I smoked I'd light one up...

Borg Cell Phone Implants

2006-02-08T22:26:00.000-05:00

Today at the supermarket a woman was shopping and softly talking to herself. I quickly realized she was not with us, she was conversing on a hands free cell phone. A growing number of people are tuning out and logging on. I term them "borg", 'cause of the implant looking hardware, and the fact they are "networked". We more and more create our own realities, with technologies of communications, Ipods, and mass suburbia. A guy I talked with at a coffee shop reflected the greatest technology impacts of this century were the computer, communications, and birth control. I'll add comfortable wealth to the list.

It's a wonderful new world, where we are the masters of our destinies, selecting friends and lovers and careers and sensual stimulation at our whims. Multitasking is existentialism to the nth degree, and no one has enough time anymore. So we maximize effeciency by running like fast rats and playing hard and living hard.

I feel a little like Andy Rooney, preferring to stay focused and live in the moment of a reality I pretend not to create. When things are too hectic I believe there's not a lack of time, but lack of priorities. I'm thinking of getting some of the blue-toothed gadgets, but don't want to trade watching a flock of ducks quacking across the sky on a cold, sunny winter's day for a handful of dollars.

Claire's Corner Copia

2006-02-07T21:39:00.000-05:00

Many, many cappuccino machines reside in New Haven, waiting to be explored, yet I usually go to Claire's Corner Copia. It's not a coffee shop at all, it's a vegetarian restaurant. Located on the corner of College and Chapel St, I usually stop there on my way to the theater. Now, I'm certainly no vegetarian, but the food is so cool, it's a refreshing change from devouring road kill between cars and birds puréed by jet engines (which are scarce). They do in fact serve a tasty cappuccino. The vegetarian cuisine notwithstanding, they sell a dessert named Trifle. This is no ordinary cake. It's so rich, it's amorphous. It comes in a bowl, and invokes a brain shattering sugar orgasm every time. Once, I bought a bowl for two young women who were eating salads there, knowing they would never order it for themselves. This act brought the karma of the universe into balance.

Farewell Alan Greenspan

2006-02-01T23:03:00.000-05:00

It seems appropriate on the eve of his retirement, to post my favorite of his quotes.

"It is decidedly not true that 'nice guys finish last' as that highly original American baseball philosopher, Leo Durocher, was once alleged to have said. I do not deny that many appear to have succeeded in a material way by cutting corners and manipulating associates, both in their professional and in their personal lives. But material success is possible in this world and far more satisfying when it comes without exploiting others. The true measure of a career is to be able to be content, even proud, that you succeeded through your own endeavors without leaving a trail of casualties in your wake.

"I cannot speak for others whose psyches I may not be able to comprehend, but, in my working life, I have found no greater satisfaction than achieving success through honest dealings and strict adherence to the view that for you to gain, those you deal with should gain as well. Human relations--be they personal or professional--should not be zero sum games. And beyond the personal sense of satisfaction, having a reputation for fair dealing is a profoundly practical virtue. We call it 'good will' in business and add it to our balance sheets.

"Trust is at the root of any economic system based on mutually beneficial exchange. In virtually all transactions, we rely on the word of those with whom we do business. Were this not the case, exchange of goods and services could not take place on any reasonable scale. Our commercial codes and contract law presume that only a tiny fraction of contracts, at most, need be adjudicated. If a significant number of businesspeople violated the trust upon which our interactions are based, our court system and our economy would be swamped into immobility."

Alan Greenspan, at the Commencement Address, Harvard University, Cambridge Massachusetts; June 10, 1999. (From "The Quotations of Chairman Greenspan" by Larry Kahaner)

Yellow Cappuccino

2006-02-01T12:41:00.000-05:00

Lately, I've noticed my urine smells like cappuccino. While I probably shouldn't mention it, I'm wondering if this happens to everyone, or if something's wrong with me. (No, I don't make a habit of sniffing my body's byproducts...I happened to notice it). Perhaps this can be developed into some kind of "excrement deoderant". Imagine being able to fart "Old Spice", it'd almost qualify as a superpower.

Temporal Anomaly Crossing Main Street

2006-02-01T00:40:00.000-05:00

The end of Spam

2006-01-31T09:06:00.000-05:00

It's been a couple weeks on my new Emails and I love it. No more Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam Spaaaaaaaam, oh wonderful Spam Spam Spam Spam. No longer are 2-10 minutes a day spent sweeping up my mailbox. My strategy is simple.

1) New clean Email address
2) 1 "Spam" mail address
3) A computer dedicated to surfing untrusted sites and opening questionable Emails.
4) Any online ordering with non business sites use Spam address
5) There is no number 5

So far so good, I like Gmail. When I encounter something unrecognized I don't open it, I log on with the expendable "bomb diffusing" computer, which incidentally, has no valid Email account. No info of value, spyware can go in, I just wipe it out and reinstall op system. My contacts remain secure.

Superfine!

Morning Run...Foggy by River

2006-01-30T18:49:00.000-05:00

Creative cell phone use while driving

2006-01-30T18:20:00.000-05:00

Not to harp on driving issues, but this stuff writes itself. In CT we have a law banning cell phone use while driving unless using a hands free setup. I used to work for a company with Nextel, and clearly remember driving vast distances with no awareness or recollection of the trip while talking. Nowadays I don't use cell while driving, I find it way too distracting. Here are my most creative violators to date.

Guy driving tri-axle dump truck...Hope it was empty!

School bus driver lady (Didn't see any kids)

Cop in police cruiser

I'm not 100% sure I saw this, but old lady (late 50's) on cell honking at older lady (60's+) 'cause she's driving too slow or going straight from turning lane.

Damn Cup-saucers!

2006-01-28T20:32:00.000-05:00

I had an epiphany today. I hit my head on a carrier for a chair lift and discover heightened powers of perception and free thought. Now to improve effeciency for the human race. One word...saucers. Let's eleminate cup saucers. What are they good for? Nothing! Absolutely nothing!

Perhaps they were invented when cup technology was in its infancy, to control leaks. But face it, if a cup undergoes a cataclysmic failure, a saucer will overflow! Or maybe they were for carrying hot cups...now we have handles on cups. Just look at the heavy design and rugged handle on a modern coffee mug. Can you say Obsolete?

Perhaps polite society needed them to catch drool dripping down the outside of the cup after drinking. A sham I say, I dine with barbarians all the time, and have never seen cup side-drool poolings. Faces and shirts soaked with spooge...well, that's another matter...

Two handed cup sipping style. Oh, so hoity-toity...more "polite" society nonsense. I'd sooner snort my coffee through a colostomy tube than make such a public spectacle of myself.

So, let's just say NO to cup saucers! We'd gain room in our cupboards, all mankind will benefit!

Ski Report

2006-01-23T14:48:00.000-05:00

Skied Mt Snow, Bendover, I mean West Dover VT yesterday (Sun). Temp, a nice balmy 29 deg F (about 272 Kelvin). Beautiful skies, mostly clear, calm. Worth the trip up, though icy especially later in the day. Great driving conditions. Cover...not too bad...much man-made powder. Base...not too good...seems to be boiler plate ice. Stayed away from North Face and Beartrap Area...Corinthia area was pretty good. Not too crowded except for main trails, all high speed quads running. Spotted a little white bunny snowshoeing across trail from Main Summit Hi Speed Quad. Cappuccino...hot and tasty. New England Clam Chowder...like butta!

Land Mines

2006-01-20T13:06:00.000-05:00

I didn't start dating until midlife, and one my early encounters was what I term the "Land Mine". You never forget your first, and true to form, I remember like it was yesterday. I had recently met my girlfriend's daughter, a beautiful blonde seven year old, and the compliment that left my mouth before my brain was able to proof or revise was "It's hard to believe something so perfect can come out of you..." Click! I was standing on a "land mine" like in the movies (I suspect real land mines have no click). You lift your leg to run and it goes off, you don't move and you'll be shot.

I don't remember how I diffused it, but in retrospect I find it so amusing. As I become more comfortable with relationships, I enjoy setting off land mines; you don't really get to know someone until you start to torture each other.

Bad Driving

2006-01-17T18:01:00.000-05:00

The other day I blocked part of a lane with my truck while turning right at an intersection. It's a common occurance at rush hour, and I'd say my excuse was someone in a pickup took a right turn from left lane ahead of me and messed up my aura, but I would be just as happy waiting another light cycle. I'm never late...people are happy to wait for me...

It takes about 20 or 30 seconds for the light to change so I can clear the lane, and some poor guy in another pickup was so pissed at me he was gesticulating and honking as he passed. I just waved, it really didn't bother me, but I feel for him, as a matter of fact, I was him when I wore a younger mans shoes. I memorized his plate, and if he's local and I run into him, I'll apologize.

Yet, traffic is getting insane lately. A few days ago, when I was a pedestrian, I waited to cross with a walklight, and a woman, maybe in her 50's, took a left on red to attack me. I didn't really care, though she seemed to think it was my fault, I'm not threatened...this woman couldn't hit me if she wanted to.

Today, I was behind a young lady, maybe 20 something, who from a standstill ran a red light in an intersection that was being blocked by perpendicular traffic, though if she waited for the green, it would have cleared. Back in my home town, a car passed me on the left, then pretty much cut me off to take a right turn a couple hundred feet later. I stopped and waited. I was not pissed, or even surprised, but I exclaimed "Now I've seen everything!".

I have not yet seen everything. My truck weighs the better part of 23,000 pounds, and is slow, and people play "Is there a God?" with me. With only hydraulic brakes, I have sphincters of stainless steel. It would seem few people understand the difference between following 2 lengths behind vs 2 seconds. (I'm supposed to maintain 5 secs to keep my insurance carrier happy...tough to do when people constantly pass you or change lanes into that space). Stop signs and speed limits are a joke, and inclement weather or heavy traffic don't seem to be factors.

I don't feel I should be prevented from driving faster or sloppyer than others...I'm very competitive. But the bottom is getting too deep for me to scrape...

Test

2006-01-16T16:50:00.000-05:00

This is a test of Blog coming soon....